Forgiveness
by Cats070911
Summary: Confronted with unpleasant memories Barbara allows Tommy to escort her to an event she dreads. What happens there changes there lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

Barbara Havers was having one of those days; the sort of day that made her want to crawl back under the bedcovers and hide. Firstly her boiler had died during the night and her shower had been tepid and consequently very short. Her investigations and call to the plumber had made her late and as a final insult her toaster had refused to colour the bread she was having as a hasty breakfast beyond a dismal pale yellow.

So when the doorbell rang twenty minutes before her boss was due to pick her up Barbara was angry. "You're early and I'm not ready."

Detective Inspector Tommy Lynley smiled. "Good morning Sergeant. Get out of bed the wrong side this morning did you?"

"My boiler died and can't be fixed until Thursday, my toaster won't work, and I'm hungry," she said grumpily.

He held up a cup of steaming coffee and grinned at the way her eyes instantly softened. "Will this help?"

Barbara snatched the cup. "You're a life saver. Thank you Sir. Sorry but...well it hasn't been my best morning."

"We can stop on the way to Cambridge for something to eat. We are early and the seminar will be boring I think."

"We should be giving it. I mean 'Effective Policing Partnerships', can they really teach that? I think you have to work it out for yourselves."

"For once Havers I totally agree. By the way your mail had fallen on your doorstep." He handed her three envelopes.

She shoved them in her bag and pulled the door shut. "Get me some food," she said pushing past him and heading for his car.

They chatted generally as he drove north. They were early enough to avoid the heaviest traffic and as promised he stopped at a lay by centre for food. Barbara tucked into a large bacon and egg roll while Tommy had another coffee. He was amazed at how much food she could consume in a day and still be hungry. He could not help but think if she ate a more balanced diet she would be healthier and happier.

As they stood to leave an envelope fell from her bag. He stooped and picked it up. "This one seems to want your attention."

"It's not overdue. All my bills are paid," she snapped and stormed towards the car.

Tommy caught up and frowned at her. "No one said they weren't."

"Sorry, I'm just not in the mood for today." She looked at the envelope and groaned. "It's from my aunt."

Tommy pulled out onto the A1. He had decided to say nothing more about her mail but after twenty minutes he had gritted his teeth long enough. "There's no point flicking it over and over in your hand. You need to open it to see what it says or put it in your bag until later."

"I don't want to open it, ever. It won't be good. I don't really talk to them. She and Mum were not even close and they were sisters."

"You won't know what it is until you open it. Then you can decide rather than speculate."

"You don't know my family."

"No, I don't but it sounds as if you don't either."

Barbara swore under her breath. "Fine! I'll open the damned thing." She tore open the envelope and read it then humphed loudly.

"Well?"

"I didn't realise censoring my mail was part of your job description."

Tommy winced. "Sorry I wasn't trying to pry...just be supportive."

Barbara relented knowing he meant well. "Mister and Missus Benjamin Sherlock request the company of Barbara Havers and Partner to celebrate the marriage of their youngest daughter Martha Louise to Lachlan Richard, eldest son of Mister and Missus Samuel Holmes in the gardens of Berrina House, Colchester on Saturday 6 November at 3 pm followed by a reception in the Grand Ballroom at 6 pm. RSVP etc etc. See I told you it was trouble."

Tommy started to laugh. "I hope that she doesn't intend to hyphenate her name."

"Huh?"

"She'd be Missus Sherlock-Holmes!" They looked at each other and started laughing. "See, that's better. I like it when you laugh."

"It's your fault. You're the only person I know who can make me laugh when I don't even feel like smiling."

They stared at each other until he needed to focus on the road. "You do that for me too Barbara," he finally said breaking the awkward silence. "It'll be good for you to see your family again."

"What? I'm not going. Not in a million years."

"Why not?"

"Because they only asked me to be polite and they will take great delight in mocking me. Poor Barbara, still alone, still bitter and twisted, still blaming her poor mother for her life etc. I can hear it now. I know you're being thoughtful but no, there's no way I'm going."

"It said 'and partner'; you don't have to go alone."

"Yeah of course, why didn't I think of that? I'll just choose from the hundreds of men I have waiting at my door each night will I?"

"I'll go with you. If you'd like me to."

Barbara looked at her boss barely trusting her ears. He was smiling kindly at her. It was just like him to offer but how could she explain that that would be harder than going alone. "Thanks Sir, I appreciate the thought but it wouldn't work. Not with you."

"Why? I think I'm quite a presentable plus one."

Barbara laughed softly and looked out of the window, not daring to look at him. "Too presentable. Everyone would know I'd never pull anyone like you. They'd think I'd hired you."

"Hired me?" Tommy was not sure if he should be amused or aghast.

"Yeah, you know, handsome, aristocratic man who knows all the right things to say and do. They'd think you're a male escort."

"If Mother could hear you suggest that she raised her son to be a male escort." His tone was amused but Barbara wondered if he had been offended.

"People like me don't have partners from Eton who wear the right suit and have perfect manners. They'd suspect something." Tommy did not reply so Barbara tried to qualify it. "What I mean is that they'd know instantly that you're too good for the likes of me."

There was so much Tommy wanted to say but now was not the time. "Barbara listen to yourself. You're being ridiculous. You're a better person than me and I'm the one honoured to be your friend. We can go together as friends. I can dress down a bit and blend in. I can be just Tommy Lynley you know, I don't have to be your DI or Lord Asherton."

"What if someone recognises you?"

"I'm not exactly A-list Barbara. No one will know. I can be simply your friend Tommy."

Barbara smiled at him so softly that his heart literally fluttered. She had that affect on him a lot lately. "Thanks Sir, I appreciate the offer, really I do but I'm still not going."

"Aren't you curious? About the family? About why they invited you?"

"Not in the least."

He tried another angle. "Wouldn't you enjoy the look on their faces if you did go then?"

"You mean to stick it up them?" Barbara was amused at his tactics to try and persuade her. She had no intention of going but decided to make him feel as uncomfortable as he was making her. His expression was too caring for her to be able to look at without wanting to give in to anything he wanted.

"Well, yes, I suppose it could be phrased like that," Tommy replied.

"They think I'm a miserable, bitter woman so the only way that would work would be for them to believe we were..." Her voice trailed off. "They'd never believe I would find someone who can put up with me let alone like me enough to spend time with me."

"Well they'd be wrong. I've managed to endure you for ten years and surprisingly I really enjoy spending time with you. At least promise me you'll think about it. It might help you come to terms with a few things."

"Oh no, you sound like today's course. 'It will give you closure'. Isn't that the sort of thing they say? Well it is closed so there's no issue."

Tommy wisely understood when to back down. He would give her a few days to think about it. "You really don't think much of today's seminar do you?"

"No! It's load of horse...doo doo."

Conversation focussed around the seminar to be held at the Anglia Ruskin University. Tommy and Barbara were part of a test group trialling the course for The Met and other forces. "They expect our critique to be fair," Tommy reminded her.

"Yeah? Well keeping an open mind isn't one of my strengths."

The course was as psychobabbly as Barbara had feared. The morning was spent with the theory of relationships. According to the two facilitators she and Tommy were doomed to failure because of their differences. They should be looking for 'complimentary commonalities' and building those as a foundation of 'mutual certitude'.

As they retired to the breakout rooms she raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. Tommy smiled knowingly. Their first exercise was to fill out a form about how they thought their partner viewed them in comparison to their feelings. "This should be interesting," Tommy whispered.

Barbara read the form and groaned. There were two columns. The first, headed 'My Response' was far narrower then the second which was labelled 'What I think my partner will say'. She glanced down the page there were twenty questions. She looked over and saw Tommy's expression. He was enjoying this far too much. She sighed and started the form.

Half an hour later they were broken into their pairs to compare answers. "Focus on the what the other person thinks you would say. It will be very revealing."

Tommy started first. "Personal strength you admire in your partner. What did you put?"

"No, tell me what you think I put."

He sighed. "Intellect."

"I do admire that but I put empathy. I like the way you understand victims and genuinely feel for them and for others."

"Really? Thanks. What do you think I said about you?"

"Level headedness?"

"No, and I'd dispute that at times. I said unwavering support. Since we've been together you've never once let me down. You've defended the indefensible for me. I do notice and appreciate it Barbara."

She felt her face blush. His eyes were so soft and caring. "Okay. For area of development I said my 'them and us' views of the world."

"Hmm, years ago I probably would have said that. I put low self worth. You never see just how brilliant you are as a detective or what a wonderful person you are."

"I don't have low self esteem! I argue with you all the time. I don't just give in to you."

"That's self confidence. It's not what I mean. You don't value yourself nearly as much as I value you, as a person not just a colleague."

Barbara could not look at him. He had that same look he had that night a few years ago at her flat. This was becoming uncomfortable. She was worried that she would accidentally blurt out how much he meant to her. "I'll work on it," she said cautiously.

Tommy waited but knew she would not explore that further. "I said arrogance for me. You still haven't really forgiven me for painting your flat."

"I have but no, I put forgiving yourself. You can't always save the world Sir and it isn't your fault that bad things have happened. You need to start putting that in the past or you'll never be free for the future." Barbara saw Tommy struggle to keep his emotions from boiling over. She had gone too far. "Sorry Sir, but I've wanted to say that for years."

"I know. And you're right. It's just...not always easy." Barbara reached over and squeezed his forearm. "I probably wouldn't have made it Barbara if I didn't have you to be my better self."

"Sorry?"

Tommy put his hand over hers. "You always make me stronger and able to think beyond my own miseries. I am a better person with you Barbara."

She pulled away, certain that this conversation was leading them onto dangerous ground. "What do you think I said was the best feature of our relationship?"

"Trust."

"Yeah, I did. I said the same," she said relieved that the awkward moment had passed.

"Yes, I debated openness and honesty but that fits the next question about reason for success more."

"Snap! I did say honesty. I thought you would think that too."

They continued through the list of questions with very few surprises until the last question. "I think this question is wrong Sir, it should never be asked. How do you rate this partnership in comparison to others?"

"The best ever of course," he replied with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, well I put it was my only real partnership. You know my track record before you."

"What did you say I would think?" he asked seriously.

"Solid."

Tommy took her hand. "Solid? Isn't that rather an understatement? It's my only successful partnership too, and I don't just mean professionally."

"Sir?"

"Barbara l know this is the weirdest time to say this but I have been..."

The door swung open and he dropped her hand and sat up guiltily. The plump facilitator with the annoying squeaky voice and appalling dress sense popped her head around the door. Tommy was grateful that her shirt full of brightly coloured birds did not follow. "Almost ready?" she asked brightly, "everyone back in the main room in five."

"Sorry you were saying?"

"It can wait." The moment had passed for Tommy and now he thought it would sound stupid to say that she was the most important person in his life and that he was falling in love with her.

The rest of the day was spent completing trust and communication exercises. Tommy and Barbara both found the physical contact embarrassing and awkward but neither twigged that it was because they both desperately wanted to touch each other non-professionally.

When they were finally freed at half past four they both sank into the front seats of his car and sighed with relief. "What a harrowing day!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, give me a good murder any day. Did you see those two from Manchester? I thought they were going to kill each other."

Tommy nodded then started the engine. "I'd suggest a pint but if we don't head back first we might have too many and need to stay."

"Yeah, imagine the look on Hillier's face if we went to a relationship seminar then had to get a room for the night...Rooms. Rooms for the night, one each. Not that he'd ever believe we'd...even with the seminar." Barbara wished the earth would open and swallow her.

He heard his heart thumping against his ribs. "Is it really beyond the bounds of credibility?" They stared at each other for several long seconds. If he were braver Tommy would drive to the nearest hotel and book one room for a week. If only he thought she would one day believe he loved her. He sighed. "Come on, let's get home. We can grab that pint there."


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, thanks for your reviews and messages. I have been moving house so little time to write over the last month. The next chapter will also be a few days.

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It was four days before he dared mention the wedding. On the drive home and over dinner at the pub they had mainly picked apart the seminar and discussed how they would write their report. When he had insisted on taking her home he had hoped she would invite him in for a drink but instead she had said goodnight as she hopped out of the car and hurried inside. The next morning he had picked her up early to drive to a crime scene in Richmond and they had been immersed in the stabbing murder of a middle aged man ever since.

Following Barbara's hunch they had just reinterviewed his wife. They had left her in the interrogation room to confer over a coffee from the machine in the corridor. Tommy had sensed the woman was concealing animosity towards her dead husband. "She's grieving but not for her husband," he told Barbara.

Barbara screwed her face into a question. "I don't understand."

"She's grieving her life, not the man."

"How can you tell?"

"What made you think she did it?"

"Dunno, instinct? Women's intuition?"

"Call this my instinct then but I'm sure I'm correct. Just the way she answered some of the questions. It reminded me..."

Barbara reached out and patted his forearm. "I'm sure you're right but from all accounts he was an unpleasant man."

"Even so, he still deserves justice."

Barbara admired the way Tommy conducted the interview. He was compassionate yet unrelenting in finally securing her confession. Her story of years of emotional abuse struck a chord with Barbara. She could understand how a women subjected to constant criticism and emotional abuse and who lived in fear of upsetting her unpredictable, volatile husband could finally snap and stab him repeatedly with her carving fork. Lynley had coaxed the details from her gently although Barbara wondered why he focussed so much on the history of abuse as it was clearly upsetting to the woman. As the killer was led away in tears by a policewoman Barbara followed Tommy to his office.

"Sir."

"Just a minute Barbara please." He gestured to a chair, indicating she should sit. He grabbed his phone and dialled. "Good afternoon. May I speak with James Bladesmith please?" He covered the mouthpiece, "won't be a minute."

Barbara waited and found her admiration for Tommy grew. Bladesmith was an Old Etonian who headed a charity for the prevention of domestic violence both physical and emotional. Within ten minutes Tommy had arranged support services and legal representation for the woman all without giving away information that might jeopardise the case or contravening regulations.

"That was kind Sir."

"She has to face justice but her story should be told. There are too many women out there suffering. Just because he rarely hit her does not mean he wasn't abusive."

"Families do a lot of harm don't they?"

"Not always," he demurred, "they can also do a lot of good. Mind you every family has their issues. Speaking of which..." He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"No! Nothing has changed on that front. I told you that topic was closed." Barbara's softness towards her boss vaporised. "I'll go write up my report then head home. The plumber is coming over to fix my boiler."

Tommy shook his head. "Impossible, stubborn, infuriating woman," he said under his breath then smiled. It was just how he liked her.

It was another three days before they had a chance to talk about anything other than the drowning of an old man in the upper reaches of the Thames. The body had been caught in the reed lined banks below Hampton Court. Stuart Lafferty found no evidence of foul play. It was possible the man, who had been living in a nearby nursing home had either fallen in and drowned or had chosen to end his life. They had searched valiantly for motives and opportunities amongst the staff and family but in the end had concluded that there was no further work they could do.

At five o'clock Barbara knocked on his office door. "Winston's typing up the report for the Coroner's Office," she told him smugly. "I said it was good practice for his sergeant's exams."

"Hmm, and your DI exams? What should I give you to do to help?" he replied as he spread his hand over his paperwork.

"Advice as we have a drink," she said flatly.

Tommy frowned slightly when he recognised her serious tone. "A drink sounds like perfect training."

They sat at their usual table at the back of the pub away from the brass-trimmed, battered, old oak bar that was crowded with young office workers in suits. "Advice?" Tommy asked as they took their first sip of the thick, creamy ale.

"I was thinking about the course and some of those questions we had to ask each other," she said slightly nervously. "Remember that question where I told you that I thought you needed to learn to forgive yourself and not blame yourself for everything that went wrong so you could move on with your life?"

"Yes, and you are right Barbara but it doesn't happen overnight," he said trying hard not to sound defensive.

She smiled at him and bit her bottom lip. He could tell she had something on her mind. "Well that applies to me too."

Tommy knew this could end disastrously if he said too much. "Hmm," he said non-commitedly.

"I've blamed myself for for years for causing my parents to be like they were after Terry's death but you can't make someone do something like that can you?"

Her voice was cracking slightly and Tommy noticed tears welling and threatening to spill. He understood her pain and self-blame. He slid around the booth and put his arm around her shoulder. "No, you can't. Barbara, your parents were the adults. They were devastated after your brother died but they had a responsibility to you too. From what you've said they never talked it through with you and left you to cope alone while they fell apart."

She nodded vigorously. "Pretty much."

"We all grieve differently. I think you were trying to confront them; to make them understand you were suffering too. I can understand why you felt abandoned, even unloved, but being angry with them didn't cause them to retreat from you...it just made it harder for them to ever come back."

"They didn't love me as much as Terry. I think they wished it had been me not him."

He gave her shoulder a reassuring hug. "I doubt that Barbara. I think they simply couldn't cope with losing him. You reminded them of everything but they shut down instead of talking to you about it and that hurt you nearly as much as his death didn't it?"

She nodded and he pulled her tightly into his shoulder. "I'm sorry Barbara."

"It wasn't your fault."

"No, I'm sorry that I did the same thing," he said as he leant his cheek against her head, "when Helen died."

"It's not the same. You lost your wife."

"You were there when she died. You may not have felt the same loss but I pushed you away. I just couldn't talk about it but I should have, especially with you. I knew that the day you found me on the hill but I wasn't ready then. Instead I did what your parents did. I wallowed in my own self-pity. I ignored your pain and made it worse because I retreated from you. I know That sounds egotistical but I can see now that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I was selfish and stupid." He had never thought about that way before. He always had justifications to rationalise it all in his mind but he knew, deep down, that he had been too scared to confront his real feelings about his marriage and about Barbara.

"You know a few times I went around and sat outside your flat. I could hear you inside drinking and crying and calling out."

Tommy was surprised. He blushed, knowing he had not always called out for Helen. "You never knocked?"

"It wasn't my place. I just sat...willing you to stop tormenting yourself; wishing I could help."

He took a deep breath. "Barbara...did you ever hear me call for you?"

She looked up and frowned. "No." She pulled away. "Sorry, I know it was wrong. I know I should have left you until you wanted to talk but I...I was wasn't prying... I was...trying to keep you safe."

Barbara stood up and fled leaving Tommy bewildered. He ran through the conversation in his mind and realised her assumption. "No Barbara! Wait!"

He found her slumped against the cold, sludgy brown brick wall in the alleyway two shops down from the pub. She looked alone, sad and defeated. He walked up to her slowly. "You misunderstood," he said quietly, "I used to call out for you at times. I needed you Barbara."

She looked up at him with sad, sympathetic eyes. "You did?"

"I wished you were there with me because I knew you would understand. I knew you would listen; would care about my feelings irrespective of how illogical they were. I wanted you to be there...to tell him it would be alright. Do you know how many times I picked up my phone to call you? And there you were outside my door after all."

"Of course I cared."

"I know. That's why I couldn't call. I was too ashamed to let you see me like that."

"In case I stopped caring?"

"Yes, I thought you might leave me too."

"Oh Sir, never. You know that. But I just couldn't intrude. I tried to once but you told me there was a fine line between caring friend and interference."

"Yes and I went on to make a complete hash of things didn't I? I wasn't thinking straight. My thoughts swirled uncontrollably during that time Barbara. I knew that. It was one of the reasons I never called. I thought the effort of being my friend then might destroy what we had. I couldn't risk losing you as a friend. You mean too much to me to lose."

She smiled shyly not quite able to look at his eyes. "Even if it meant not having a friend when you needed one?"

"Yes, something like that," he conceded with a wan smile. "Now do you want to finish your pint?"

"Not there."

"My place then. We can walk." Tommy slipped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug. This time he left it there as they walked in silence, both lost in their memories and fears.

Tommy settled Barbara into his lounge then retrieved two cold beers from his kitchen. "I think beer might be best tonight. Anything stronger wouldn't be good for either of us."

"Hmm," she agreed as she quickly gulped half of her bottle. They were sitting on opposite ends of his couch looking nervously at each other. Barbara took a deep breath. "Is your offer still open?"

Momentarily confused Tommy wondered exactly what she was asking. His thoughts had been focussed on how he could slide down the couch and kiss her and tell her he wanted her as more than a friend. "Offer?"

"To be my plus one at the wedding."

He was both happy and disappointed. "Yes, yes of course."

"I've been thinking I should go. You were right. I think it will help heal old wounds." Tommy smiled at her the way that always affected her. This time she had less of a sexual reaction and more of a feeling of deep fondness for him. She knew she was in love with him and she was having more and more trouble hiding it.

"I'd be honoured to escort you Barbara. What capacity where you thinking?"

"Capacity?"

"Yes, you mentioned you...were uncertain how they would take to our relationship. Do you want to say we're friends or..." He paused searching for the right words, "or do you want to imply we are...lovers."

Barbara noticed the tips of his ears shining brightly. "Tommy the red-eared best friend," she sang to herself and wondered where that had come from. Her nervous mind worked in weird ways. He could be quite adorably awkward and sweet sometimes and it made her want to hug him as hard as she could. It was tempting to readily agree to pretending to be lovers. Surely at a wedding lovers had to touch each other, maybe even sneak a quick kiss or a hug. She felt her face flush brighter than his ears. She sighed knowing that she would never be able to act that out then go back to being friends. "Friends. I'm allowed to have a friend. I...I wouldn't know how to act otherwise. Definitely friends please Sir."

"Friends generally don't call each other Sir," he said mischievously.

"I'll try not to call you anything."

"And if you need to refer to me in conversation?"

"Oh that's easy. I always think of you as Tommy." He looked up quickly and she gasped at her confession. "I...I mean...well it's sort of easier."

He laughed softly and moved up the sofa until he was beside her. "Then it should be easy enough to start calling me by my name all the time."

She edged away. "No, no that's much harder."

"Why?"

"Because it would...seem too...," she searched for a word other than 'tempting', "too forward."

Tommy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "How is it forward if I ask you to do it?"

She glanced quickly at her watch. "Oh look, it's much later than I thought. I should be getting home."

"Don't change the subject Barbara."

"It wouldn't seem...professional."

He counted to ten silently. "We have moved well beyond professional Barbara. We moved beyond that in our first case. Remember Fiona Knight saying we were quite the team. We are Barbara. We are so much more than normal partners. Sometimes I feel more married to you than I did to Helen."

The intensity of his eyes caught her out. Barbara slipped of the sofa and landed on her tail with a thud. She had tucked her right foot under her thigh but when she leant forward in the hope he might kiss her she overbalanced. "Arrghh!"

Tommy was shocked to see her disappear from his vision. He had been about to kiss her when she had vanished. Concern quickly turned to humour when he saw she was uninjured. "What are you doing down there Barbara?" He tried hard not to laugh.

"I...I fell."

Tommy lost his battle and laughed loudly as he slid off the sofa next to her. With a big grin he grabbed her ankles and rearranged her legs so they could sit together with their backs to the couch. "Is it such a shock to hear me say we are friends?"

Barbara had been stunned by his touch. It was firm and purposeful but even through her socks burned into her. She whimpered when he removed his hands and was rewarded with another huge smile as he settled back next to her. "No, of course we are friends..." She took a big, calming breath. "Tommy."

His heart fluttered at the sound of his name on her lips. She had said it softly as if it was the most sacred word she knew. Without conscious thought he put his arm around her and nestled her into his shoulder. "Thank you," he said as he gently kissed the top of her head.

Barbara happily snuggled into him. Their relationship had changed with that one word. "You were right. It wasn't that bad after all."

If ever there was a time to kiss her now was it. He looked down at her sweet face. Despite clear apprehension and uncertainty he could see the desire in her eyes. It was a tender, almost loving look veiling a darker, more urgent passion. "Barbara..." He moved closer to her.

Barbara was so scared she had stopped breathing but she wanted this more than anything. She smiled softly and Tommy moved towards her as if he had been waiting for permission. She could feel his breath on her cheek. She braced for the soft caress of his lips.

Tommy swore colourfully in her ear as the door bell rang. "Who in the name of heaven...?"

Barbara could see the irony and humour that eluded Tommy and began to laugh. "Maybe you should answer it."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** You may not like my interpretation of a character many of you like...

* * *

Tommy yanked open his door with the grace of an angry brown bear. "Judith! What on Earth are you doing here this late?"

His sister barged past him and into the lounge. She was unusually disheveled and shaking and smelt of alcohol. Her tight-fitting, black cocktail dress hung unevenly from her shoulders and Barbara noticed the tear near the hem and the ladder up her stocking. Her eyes signalled her observations to Tommy. Blood flushed his cheeks in anger. "Judith has someone...hurt you?"

Bewildered and scared Judith looked up for the first time. She saw Barbara and tried to straighten her dress. "Sorry Tommy. Have I interrupted something? Were you two discussing a case or something?"

"I should go To...Sir."

"No!" both Lynleys replied.

"Please stay Barbara," Judith pleaded.

Barbara smiled tightly. She had seen many sexual assault victims and she feared the worst. She was not sure Tommy could cope or control his rage. "Of course."

"What happened Judith?" Tommy asked softly, "have you been..." He left the word hanging in the air.

"No! But I think I might have ruptured his doodle bag."

Barbara shot an amused glance at Tommy who despite the seriousness of the situation wanted to laugh at the oddly childish term his sister had used. "We should get you to the station and photographed and examined," he said as DI and not a brother.

"No," Judith said defensively as she swayed. Tommy helped his sister sit down.

"Give me his name and I'll severe his doodle and make sure it never doodles again." Her brother had re-emerged.

"No Tommy," Judith begged.

Now Barbara was angry too. "Do you want this maniac to attack other women? Don't be a fool Judith."

"Was it Steven?" Tommy demanded.

Judith shook her head. "No, we had a big fight. I walked out of the restaurant and took a shortcut through the park opposite my apartment. There was a man there...in the bushes near the exit. He leapt out at me so I kneed him - hard. I ran through the bushes and tripped on the pavement. Most of the damage is from that. He never laid a hand on me Tommy."

"So what was he doing?"

"Touching himself."

"So you attacked him?" Barbara asked, "a pre-emptive strike?"

Judith nodded. "Think of the scandal Tommy."

"Indecent exposure is still a crime Judith. Go and get cleaned up and I'll make some calls." Tommy's face asked Barbara to go with her and verify her claim that she had not been assaulted.

"Can I have a drink? To settle my nerves?"

"When you come back." He was not used to seeing his sister inebriated. She normally drank very responsibly.

Half an hour later the women returned and Barbara nodded. It seemed Judith had been telling the truth. "I spoke with the hospital nearest your flat. I had to play on the full police investigation angle. A man bearing similar injuries did go through A&E. He is sore but largely uninjured. He had a scan and nothing was ruptured. You never mentioned he was with a woman. Apparently he lives near there and was having a 'dalliance', as he put it, with his son's nanny. He claims a drunk woman came stumbling through the bushes towards them. He stood up and covered himself then says you attacked him in a frenzy while shouting 'you're a bastard Steven'."

Judith bowed her head. "I never saw the woman. I...I thought he was going to attack me."

"Anyway for obvious reasons he did not want the police involved and went home with an ice pack. Goodness knows what he will tell his wife."

"Thank you Tommy," Judith said contritely as she sank onto the couch.

"Steven also rang. He's worried about you. He was out searching for three hours. Where were you Judith?"

She looked up through red-rimmed eyes. "I went to a bar and tried to get drunk."

"And you think that's a responsible thing to do?"

Judith turned and stared at her little brother. "You're in no position to lecture me about drinking responsibly! First sign of trouble and you reach for your precious scotch bottles."

Barbara did not want to intrude on a family fight. "I should be going Sir. Goodnight Judith, I'm glad you're okay."

She gathered her bag and shoes from the floor. Tommy reluctantly escorted her to the door and waited with her until the cab arrived. "I'm sorry Barbara, the evening didn't end quite the way I intended," he said as he took her hand and stroked it softly.

"So you planned to bring me back here and seduce me did you?" she teased.

"No! Not at all. But...well I've wanted to kiss you for a very long time," he said softly as he moved closer, "and tonight I almost did."

Barbara expected him to kiss her then but he simply placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Tommy?"

He leant his forehead against hers. "Oh Barbara, do you know how hard it is having you leave me now? But not with Judith here. I want it to be special and memorable for all the right reasons."

"I understand."

They stayed close until the cab pulled up to the kerb. She smiled and waved as she climbed into the classic black vehicle. She watched him watching her drive away. It had been the strangest and yet most wonderful evening.

Tommy poured a large whiskey to match Judith's and sat in a chair opposite his sister. "Steven will be around soon. You can sort it out or not, that's up to you."

"Is it serious?"

"How would I know? You're the one who had the fight." He took a long sip from his glass letting the fire run down his throat.

"I meant with Barbara. I felt the tension; saw the looks passing between you. I clearly interrupted a night of passion."

"Arrff," Tommy replied dismissively.

"What? You can't deny it. You two have something going on."

"So?"

"Oh Tommy if she makes you happy that's wonderful but have you thought about the consequences?"

"Consequences?"

"Well Barbara is a very caring friend but she's not exactly countess material. You can't afford to fall in love with her."

"How dare you?" he hissed with unrestrained anger. "Barbara is a better person than our whole miserable family rolled together. I am already in love with her. I have been for a very long time Judith."

"Are you Tommy? Or are you just lonely? In need of affection? You thought you loved Deborah and Helen too."

Tommy stood and walked away. When they were children they had frequently argued like this and then wrestled each other. Now he worried they would hurt each other, physically and emotionally. "I did love them and how dare you bring Helen into this!" he snarled.

"I image Barbara's very very active in bed Tommy but it's infatuation, lust, call it what you will."

"I love her!" he screamed at his sister, "and for the record we haven't slept together so don't presume she's 'active', passive or anything else! Is that code for 'she's not one of us so must be up for anything'? She deserves my respect and yours. I've known lots of well-bred women who are little more than whores. Barbara is far from that. And I'll happily give my title to Peter if she's not acceptable to the family."

"And she feels the same way?"

"About the title, I'm sure nothing would make her happier but whether she loves me, I don't know. I was just about to kiss her for the first time when you appeared."

"Oh Tommy, I'm sorry but maybe it's for the best. Better not to start something you can't finish. I can introduce you to lot's of eligible women if you're ready for that. You can't throw away your title on someone like her."

Tommy stared at his sister as if he were seeing her for the first time. "Someone like her! Did you miss the part where I said I love her? Or do you not understand what that means?"

"Tommy, you fall in love very easily. Staying there is the hard part for you. I like Barbara and I don't want either of you to get hurt but she's the sort of person who falls in love slowly and hangs on to it fiercely. Don't start anything if you don't intend to be there forever for her. And be serious about being willing to give up your title. She may not want to be countess."

"And the family won't accept her? Is that what you're saying?"

"Mother will be shocked if you want to marry her but no, if you are truly in love with her then of course we'll accept her. But will Barbara accept us? Can she accept us? Can shy old Havers ever even admit she loves you?"

"When Steven arrives I want you to go. If he doesn't want you he can escort you home but you're not welcome here if you can't accept how I feel."

"Fine! Suit yourself. You always do. To hell with what follows eh?"

They sat silently, staring at each other until Steven rang the bell ten minutes later. "She's in the lounge," Tommy said dismissively.

"I'm sorry about this old boy. We had a bit of a row."

"She fought with me too. Seems she's in a very pugnacious mood."

Tommy watched his sister and her long-term beau melt into each other and hug fiercely. Between whispered declarations of sorrow and retractions of what they had said he wondered what had gone so horribly wrong to create this evening's kerfuffle. "We should leave Tommy," his sister said quietly. "I'm sorry if I offended you but think very carefully about not hurting Barbara. She's not a toy to play with. Loving her will mean commitment, real commitment. Be very sure you're up to it."

"Judith please, just leave it."

He bade them goodnight and returned to sit in his lounge, drinking whiskey and worrying whether he really did love Barbara or if he simply thought he did. Judith may be an obnoxious drunk but there was an element of truth that disturbed him. How could he ever know if this was different to his other mistakes?

For the next week quality time together was impossible. Barbara often quipped that there were more murders at full moon and this month was proving her theory. She had asked after Judith but had made no more reference to the evening except the few times when she had called him Tommy and given him a heart-stopping smile.

Every opportunity he had Tommy observed her. Judith had accused him of lust and despite wanting to make love to her he knew he was only mildly attracted to her physically. Admittedly she had more curves than he had noticed over the years and with the better cuts in recent months her hair was pretty, especially when the copper tinges caught the light. His feelings were not lust. He was not overwhelmingly sexually attracted to her; it was attraction to her entity. He wondered if it was her street-sharp intellect or her personality that only he ever truly saw. It was neither and both. In the end what drew him could not be labelled, it was simply her, but he wanted to hold her and cherish her more than he had with women he had lusted after. This was a love that was not readily definable but felt more real than any other.

As they sat in his car driving out to visit their prime suspect Barbara watched Tommy. She had noticed him staring thoughtfully at her all week and the slight reticence in his mannerisms. She was not surprised but was a little disappointed. She cursed Judith's timing. She would have at least liked to have had him kiss her for her memories. They were more than friends but were they destined to be lovers? As the week had crept on and he had not taken any of the few chances they had to be alone she had seen her dream fade despite his parting declaration that he wanted a special moment to kiss her. Barbara knew she was not Tommy's usual type of woman. While she had long lusted after her sexy boss she knew he would never be attracted to her that way. What had happened had been the product of emotional closeness and opportunity and they had momentarily confused that for a different type of love. Now he realised this and was avoiding her. She smiled at him anyway. He was still her kindred soul, a friend like no other.

"What's on your mind?" he asked with concern. "Have you worked out the motive?"

"Oh, no. Sorry I wasn't thinking about the case. I'm sure Davis strangled her but I don't know why. He was her friend."

"I think he was in love with her."

"It's possible but why not shout it from the rooftops?"

"Not everyone in love does that. Maybe he was too scared to even tell her."

"Why not say?"

"Does everyone in love declare their hand? Maybe he didn't feel worthy of her."

They looked at each other meaningfully. Barbara realised they were not just talking about the case. "Why would he be scared? He's the successful lawyer with everything."

"And a very poor track record with women. What if he's not sure he could love her the way she needed to be loved?"

Barbara swallowed hard. "How would he know what she needed? But by even doubting then he probably already did."

"But how could he be sure? Without hurting her."

"Perhaps he should have talked to her. Let her reassure him. He might not be perfect but he might have been perfect for her."

"Barbara you're brilliant!"

"I am? I mean, I am."

They laughed together. "How do you maintain perfection? Stop it changing?" he asked.

Barbara frowned. "By killing it?"

"Exactly! Preserve her as she was, prevent her from changing. I think Davis killed her because he thought she was perfect then he found she had flaws. He killed her to stop her failing him, perhaps to keep her pure."

Three hours later they had their confession. Davis had killed his friend because he had discovered she was never going to fall in love with him. "She was all I wanted," the murderer lamented, "then I discovered her flatmate was her lover. I thought she was just her friend. She wasn't perfect after all."

"Nobody ever is," Tommy replied glancing at Barbara, "but that's what makes it fun."

"Not always," she replied.

They stayed in the interview room after Davis was led away. "Sad isn't it?" Barbara said as they gathered their notes. "He loved her but only as he imagined her, not as she really was."

"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, Who art as black as hell, as dark as night."

"Sorry?"

"Shakespeare. Sonnet 147. He laments love which like a fever has turned him mad and yet he can't turn away. That was Davis; unable to let go."

"Yeah, well you can't can you? Not if you really love someone. You hang on for the ride, good and bad."

"Yes, you do." Tommy suddenly felt euphoric and he grinned at her devilishly. His smile grew as her face flushed.

"Fancy a pint?" Barbara asked.

The paperwork could wait until the morning. "Wonderful idea Sergeant."


	4. Chapter 4

Barbara was floating somewhere between Cloud 9 and nirvana. As she lay fully clothed on her bed the room seemed to spin around her. She closed her eyes and focussed on recalling every moment of the most wonderful night of her life. Although they were yet to consummate their love they had finally found each other.

Tommy had driven straight to a pub that they went to when they wanted to make sure no one would interrupt. They bought pints and sat at the table near the back. At first they chatted about the case and work in general. "Barbara, about this week," he started.

"Mmm," she said neutrally, "it's been a busy one."

"I've been avoiding being alone so that we didn't have to finish our conversation."

"That's fine. We were just..."

"About to kiss when my damned sister arrived. I meant what I said. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. Something I still want to do but Judith made me question whether I was being fair to you; whether I could be what you need. The thing is I don't know. I never asked. I never even asked if you wanted to kiss me. I don't want to make a mess of this Barbara or be like Davis and make assumptions.

"Yes, no, yes."

"Which? What?" Tommy was confused.

Barbara felt her face and neck go crimson. "You can be the most irritating man at times but you'll always be my irritating man. I don't need all the fancy bits. I just need you."

Tommy's heart sang, a mixture of alleluia and a bouncy pop love song. "So I may kiss you?"

She looked into his eyes then down at her drink. This was excruciating. "I would like it, very much, if you kissed me," she formally thinking the conversation sounded like a scene from a Jane Austen novel.

Tommy instantly wished he had taken her somewhere more private. He took her hand. "Where?"

She raised her eyebrows cheekily and took a lead from D.H. Lawrence. "On the lips...to start with then perhaps..."

"Havers!" he exclaimed as his ears got hot. "I meant by the river or by Nelson's column or The Eye, so that it's memorable."

"Are you that bad at it that you think I'll forget? Tommy, you're worrying too much. Do you really think that everything has to be staged perfectly? We'd be too nervous if we have to make an appointment. Just let the night run, pick a moment that feels right and do it. Just not in here with people around."

He smiled at her and took her hand. "Ever the practical one."

They chatted awkwardly as they quickly downed their pints. "What time tomorrow should we leave for Colchester?" he asked.

Barbara swore then looked embarrassed. "I had forgotten about that. It's come around so fast. Mind you she didn't give me much notice. Probably hoping I'd say no."

"Barbara," he warned.

"I know. The wedding is at three o'clock. My aunt has booked us rooms in the house. So we can change for the reception there but we can save time by dressing for the wedding at home. How long to drive there?"

"About ninety minutes but we should allow for traffic. If we have rooms I would prefer to dress there. What if I pick you up at eleven?"

"Thanks Tommy. I appreciate this."

"I'll enjoy it, and so will you."

"We'll see."

They finished their second pints and by unspoken agreement stood to leave. Barbara had relaxed more and Tommy kept hold of her hand as they walked back to his car. "It's a very still night," she said consciously trying to take their minds off what would follow.

"It feels quite turbulent over here." They grinned at each other and Barbara squeezed his hand.

There were too many people around so he began to drive her home. Instead of taking the usual route he skirted around the side of Regents Park. He did not want to drive to her flat and kiss her. It would feel too staged and might imply he expected more. He was determined that nothing more would happen. He already knew how he wanted to spend their first night together. Even so he was more nervous than a teenager pondering his first kiss. On a whim he pulled into the park and pulled up near the tennis courts. "Let's go for walk by the lake."

Barbara climbed out of the car wondering if her jellied legs would carry her. The moment of truth was nearing. Tommy draped his arm comfortingly over her shoulder as they walked. The early November evening was unusually warm; the perfect night for a stroll. She expected him to stop at the water and kiss her but he kept walking. They completed a circuit of the lake and he still had made no move. She began to wonder if it was a stalling tactic. During their second lap she relaxed and almost forgot why they were there until he suddenly he spun her into his arms. His lips were on hers quickly. They were much softer and more polite than she had expected. Warmth flooded through her. Tommy was actually kissing her! She wrapped her arms around him and pushed her mouth hard against his pliant lips.

Tommy felt her shock give way to uncertainty and finally eagerness. Their lips found a pattern without any of the awkwardness he had feared. He wanted it to last forever this way, gentle and loving yet he also wanted to search deeper, explore her mouth and let her invade him. She pulled away panting. "Barbara?"

"Yes Tommy, yes."

This time the kiss was hard and impatient. They held each other as if letting go would cast them adrift into the universe. Tommy felt his lips swelling from the fury as they dueled. There was no denying Barbara's desire but the kiss was not just sensual. She was conveying ten years of feelings for him. There was tenderness and anger, funny moments and tragedy, elation and disappointment but underneath everything Tommy could feel her love, deep and unending. Nothing had ever been clearer to him and he responded greedily. He wanted all her love. It made him feel at peace for the first time in years, perhaps ever. With Barbara's love he could conquer the world! He had to be worthy of it though and he needed her to understand that. He slowed the kiss and tried to convey what she meant to him through the gentlest of movements. He felt her shiver in his arms as she moaned softly into his mouth.

Barbara's experience of kissing was rather limited and no one had ever kissed her the way Tommy was now. She had yearned for his kiss for years but it was a hundredfold more of everything she had hoped. As if he sensed her inexperience his tongue coaxed hers and steered her to discover more. The more ardently they kissed the more Barbara felt as if weights were being lifted from her. She began to feel confident and free to be the person hiding deep inside her. She moved her hand up into his hair and felt his skin prickle under her touch.

They reluctantly broke apart to regain their breathe. Tommy could feel her heart racing against his stomach, slightly faster than even his was thumping. "Oh my."

Barbara laughed softly against his chest. "Oh my? That's all you can say?"

"I wasn't quite expecting that."

"What were you expecting?"

Tommy hugged her close. "I didn't think one kiss would change my life forever."

"Really? I did. Imagine what two will do then."

They stayed by the lake for an hour. Very few words passed between them but gentle caresses of each other's faces, passionate kisses and a few happy tears as they lovingly held each other helped them to come to terms with their future. Tommy's thoughts raced ahead to a quiet wedding, retirement from the force and years spent together raising a tribe of happy, intelligent, well-adjusted children. By contrast Barbara was making the most of every tender touch, committing them to memory and hoping that somehow this would last long enough to progress to a wonderful, rapturous night.

Tommy stroked her head as he held her. They had been standing but over the succession of embraces and kisses they had sunk onto the thick grassy bank of the lake. Her hand began to undo the button on his shirt. He had resisted touching her intimately although his gingers nearly ached from the effort. He closed his hand over hers. "Not yet. Not tonight." He rolled closer so she would understand he wanted her. "I want to make love to you Barbara but not in a park or at our places where too many memories haunt the dark corners. I want to give you everything Barbara, my love, my life, my soul."

"Soon." It was a request, a question and and order.

"Yes soon, I promise," he whispered as he kissed her again. "I want to worship you like a goddess and spoil you like a princess."

"Oh god Tommy," she murmured as he kissed her throat, "then you had better take me home or I might not be able to stop."

In the car she had rested her hand lightly on his leg and watched him. He looked less tense and younger than he had before. When he smiled at her it ignited a burning desire stronger than she had imagined possible. So at her door she hoped her kiss and roving hand might change his mind.

"Don't Barbara please," he begged as he stilled her hand, "I want to, more than anything, but l must insist that we wait."

Barbara acquiesced but was reluctant to let him leave. "Do you want to come in for coffee?"

Tommy pushed a strand if hair from her forehead. "No, if I go in I will stay. I have to go Barbara. I'll write up my report in the morning so no one pesters us then I'll pick you up at eleven."

She sighed and nodded. "Thanks for tonight. It was..."

"Magnificent! Barbara there is so much to say, so much for us to plan but I need to go now." He kissed her quickly then pulled away. "I'll see you in thirteen hours."

Barbara watched him drive away then danced into her house. She kicked her shoes off near the door, threw her bag on the kitchen counter and collapsed backwards onto her bed. Tommy had kissed her and promised to worship her. Life could not be better and she began to run through the evening again, recalling how each caress and kiss had made her feel.

She woke around four. She was still dressed on top of her bed. She stripped off and climbed into bed and began to think of the day ahead. She would have the most handsome man at the wedding in her arm and people would see him looking at her lovingly. They would not have to pretend to be close, they almost were lovers. She smiled at that thought then frowned. She had planned to wear her navy suit to the wedding and a simple red and gold cocktail dress with a nondescript pattern that she had picked up cheaply at the market to the reception. She had seen a lovely deep-purple evening gown at the local charity shop that she had considered buying but with no shoulder straps she had thought it was too daring to even try on. Now, after last night. she wanted to look her best. She wanted to be worthy of Tommy. She wanted to be attractive for Tommy and for once in her life she wanted to feel sexy.

She was waiting impatiently at the shop when it opened fifteen minutes late. She nervously explained to the middle-aged portly lady that she would like to try the gown. "It will compliment your lovely eyes beautifully," the woman said making her blush.

They both stood staring at her image in the mirror. Even with her bra straps showing comically above the dress she looked stunning. Barbara barely recognised herself. The fitted bodice hugged her perfectly accentuating her full breasts that she normally did everything to hide and her full hips stretched the dress just a touch, dramatically outlining her hourglass figure and hinting at legs longer than might be expected.

"It transforms you," the woman said in awe.

Barbara stared at the soft folds of the full skirt that fell to the floor. It was a plain design without frills and furbelows yet the soft satin caught the light as she moved to create an elegant grace Barbara could never have imagined she would possess. "I'll take it."

By ten o'clock she was home with her dress and a pair of purple shoes that had been donated with the dress. Despite her initial doubts the woman had convinced her that the tight bodice did not require a bra. It seemed too much but she had agreed when she had removed hers at the shop and no it was too late to renege. She carefully packed it into a large suitcase that she had had not used for years. It had smelt vaguely musty so she had flapped it around then sprayed it with her only scent which she added to her contents in case she needed to refresh it. The other dress would do for the wedding and her suit could stay in the cupboard. Not that he would see them but she made sure she packed only her best underwear. After she was pacing her lounge anxiously waiting for Tommy to arrive she suddenly remembered her toiletries.

At ten fifty-five Barbara was ready. She had run through a checklist of everything she needed. It was all packed into her case except for the six crystal whiskey tumblers she had bought as the wedding gift and had paid a pound extra to have the shop wrap appropriately. The doorbell rang and she took a very deep breath before opening.

Tommy was wearing jeans, a casual blue shirt and broad smile. She was in his arms before she had said 'hello' and he was kissing her hard. "These last hours without you have been hell," he said earnestly, "but we can make up for it now."

She knew she was beaming like a child at Christmas but she did not care. However long this lasted she would make the most if it. "We have a wedding to go to," she reminded him.

"And sadly it's not ours."

Barbara was unable to move. Tommy gave her a quick peck on her cheek then picked up her case and took it to the car. "Come on then," he called out.

Neither spoke much as they drove. Tommy tried to focus on the traffic but her hand on his thigh was driving him mad and he squirmed uncomfortably, sorry that he had worn his tightest jeans. "Barbara, moving your hand is making it hard for me to concentrate." She removed it quickly with a muttered apology. His leg felt naked. "Put it back please, just don't stroke so much."

His voice was almost soprano and Barbara laughed despite her cheeks showing her embarrassment. "Sorry, it's just that I...want to touch you, to feel connected."

Tommy spotted a side road and quickly turned. He pulled over, switched off the engine and leant across awkwardly to kiss her. Passions flared as they kissed. He wondered briefly if he should pull the picnic rug from his boot and make love to her in the nearby field.

He pulled away. "I want that too but we have to focus. Wedding today then tomorrow..."

Barbara grumbled about her family also burdening her life. It made him smile and he hugged her to his chest. "Maybe we should create our own family that we like," he thought not realising he had spoken aloud.


	5. Chapter 5

Berrina House was a stately nineteenth century mansion that had been converted by the Taylorstone family into an income producing asset. The building had strong bold lines with subtle bay-style windows on the ground floor. Its second floor had a line of French doors opening onto a long balcony dominated by its ornate stone balustrade. Tommy knew the Taylorstones who lived mostly in London and he occasionally saw James at charity functions. He only hoped that in his role as Tommy Lynley, friend, he would not run into anyone who might know him as Lord Asherton. He stood by the bags apprehensively as Barbara checked in.

"No, it should be two rooms; one for Havers, Barbara," she told the receptionist, "and the other for Lynley, Tommy."

"I'm sorry ma'am. I only have one room, a single, in your name."

"Is there a problem Barbara?" Tommy intervened. He could see Barbara's temper beginning to flicker into life.

"It seems my aunt only booked one room, a single for me. I RSVP'd quite clearly giving your name. Seems she thinks I was making you up!"

"Don't jump to conclusions Barbara. Is there anything listed under Asherton?" Tommy asked the nervous man.

Barbara was muttering insults about her aunt under her breath. Tommy noticed the man press a button under the desk, no doubt summoning his manager. "No Sir, nothing."

A door behind the heavy oak reception area opened and Tommy inwardly groaned. "Tommy! My word, what brings you here? You're not up for the Dexlaurie's hunt like me are you? You always hated fox hunting!"

"James, how wonderful to see you. No, I am escorting my friend to a wedding in your gardens this afternoon but there seems to have been a mix up with the rooms."

"Give us a moment Tommy."

He gently guided a still fuming Barbara away from the desk. "James will be very circumspect. He won't give our secret away."

"What secret?"

"My title. You didn't want your family to know. We are supposed to be just friends from work remember."

"I'd forgotten. Right now I'd love to rub their noses in it completely. Stand up in the middle of the ceremony and shout out 'I'm snogging an earl!' and see how they like it."

Tommy grimaced then smiled. "It would be much more effective to just kiss me."

"Perhaps we should just..."

Tommy smiled at her. "Not pretend anything?"

"Mmm."

"Tommy," James called interrupting the moment Tommy was about to kiss her, "it seems there was an error on the guest list. The room for Ms Havers is not suitable. I can offer you both the Prince Edward Suite which I think would be suitable for you and your friend."

"Thank you James. Ms Havers' family only know me as Tommy Lynley. We'd like to keep it that way if we could."

James tapped the side of his nose. "Of course." He glanced over at Barbara who was still beside the bags. "I can leave MS Havers in her room if you prefer."

"And why would I want my girlfriend in a separate room?" Saying the word send a quiver through him. He would prefer to say wife or at least fiancee.

"No of course," James said smoothly, "I was just unsure how private you were trying to be."

"Thank you James, very considerate."

Tommy went back to Barbara and took her hand. "All sorted."

They followed the porter to the lift and up to their suite. Barbara gasped when the double doors opened to reveal a room larger than her flat. It was tastefully decorated in mahogany, highlighted with cream and gold brocades but to her relief it was not too ostentatious. The porter showed them the living area and then the bedroom. Tommy slipped a tip into his hand and thanked him. The man disappeared quickly leaving them staring at an enormous four-posted bed. It had feather-soft bedding and an array of pillows. Delicate lace curtains trailed over from the canopy, cocooning it from the world. Barbara looked at it then at Tommy and with a whoop of joy dived onto the bed face down. She rolled over with an amused look. "I hope the couch will be as comfortable for you."

Tommy raised his eyebrows. "I am the earl remember, I get to choose my bed." He leapt onto it beside her and they both rolled together laughing at his unexpected playfulness. "And I'd choose to sleep on razor-wire if it was beside you."

Barbara's muttered answer was swallowed in his kiss. Deep, fiery and with a promise of great satisfaction Tommy knew he was teasing her. Now was definitely not the time but this room might bring forward his plans for seduction. "Enough," he said reluctantly as he stood. "We need to eat then shower and dress for the ceremony." Amused by her grumbling he gave her a squeeze and lifted her off the ground.

They took lunch on the terrace overlooking the gardens. Jacketless men in pin-striped trousers and vests were making final adjustments to the flowers on the rows of white, folding chairs that faced an arch where it seemed the wedding would take place. Barbara was amused by the tallest man who stood in the aisle and scattered red rose petals across the seats. "I suppose it is meant to be romantic," she said disdainfully, "but it seems pretentious."

"Did you ever dream about your wedding and what you wanted? What your dress would be like? Where you would hold it?"

She frowned at her boss. "No, never. Did you?"

"Not until recently," he replied guardedly.

"And what dress did you decide you'd wear?" she asked dryly.

"Huh? Oh you!" He leant over and gave her a quick kiss. "Time to get dressed and before you ask, no, you may not watch me shower."

She blushed guiltily. "What gives you the idea I'd enjoy that?"

"Experience."

Barbara waited in the living area while Tommy showered and changed. She flicked aimlessly through the television channels but nothing held her interest so she stood at the large windows and surveyed the estate grounds. She was still angry at her aunt but was becoming nervous too. She had no idea how to introduce Tommy. Did she say friend? Boyfriend? Lover? Technically only the first was true and yet they were already so much more. She sighed loudly.

Two reassuring arms encircled her. She jumped then relaxed back into them as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Nervous?" he asked.

"Very. I gave my aunt your name but I did not say what our relationship was. She will assume we are...well you know."

"It it wasn't for this wedding we'd be you-knowing right now Barbara," he replied as he gently nuzzled her neck and smiled as she shivered under him. "But you need to change." He patted her firmly on her tail and steered her towards the bedroom.

Barbara glanced back and saw Tommy dressed in his light grey suit with crisp white shirt and a blue tie draped around his neck but not yet knotted. "You will amaze them," she said lovingly.

Twenty minutes later Barbara returned. Her dress was soft and loose and the skirt swirled around her knees. The barest touch of makeup softened her face and Tommy felt his pulse quicken. He had been wrong to think he was not physically attracted to her. The more he saw the more attracted he was becoming. He commented favourably about the golds and burgundy highlighting her eyes. "You should wear dresses more often," he murmured as he admired curves he never knew she had.

"I feel awkward."

"There's no need to feel uncomfortable Barbara. You look beautiful." He gave her a quick kiss on her cheek then quickly knotted and adjusted his tie. "Shall we?"

They found seats half way down the aisle on the bride's side. Barbara recognised a few other distant family members, most of whom she had not seen for years. They exchanged polite smiles. "That's my aunt," she whispered to Tommy as a rotund woman with dyed blonde hair and a blue dress that was one size too small waddled down the aisle greeting her guests.

"Aunt Marjory," Barbara said politely, "I'd like you to meet my partner Tommy."

Tommy stood and smiled generously at her aunt whose chin had dropped open. "I'm very pleased to finally meet some of Barbara's family. Of course I met her mother but sadly too late to really know her. Thank you for inviting me today."

Barbara saw the moment of panic in her aunt's eyes. "I hope your accommodation is okay," she said weakly, "we had some trouble with some rooms."

"It is perfect thank you," Tommy smiled graciously. He noticed the relief in the woman's eyes and knew Barbara would not approve of letting her off the hook. "We're in the Prince Edward Suite. That was very generous of you. I hope we can catch up later."

Barbara's smile was genuine but not at the dubious pleasure of seeing her aunt. As Tommy sat she leant over and said, "thank you. You put her in her place."

The bride was far too skinny for Barbara's tastes and the ceremony was too long. The vows promised the world to each other and Barbara wondered if they knew how rocky life could be. The couple were showered with more of the rose petals as they walked up the aisle. Her cousin stopped and stared at her when she spotted Tommy and nearly tripped as her bridesmaid trod on her dress. Barbara tried hard not to feel smug.

Champagne was served on the grass overlooking an ornamental lake and Tommy brought a flute to her as she stood observing the crowd. "Thank you."

"To happy ever afters," he toasted as they clinked glasses.

"Do you think they really exist?"

"I think they can but it takes work Barbara. If you really love someone though it is worth it." He put his arm around her waist and gave her an encouraging kiss on her cheek. "We should mingle. No point in bringing me if you don't show me off."

Barbara was about to make a smart comment but she simply smiled at the mischief that twinkled in his eyes. He grinned back. "Come on then."

They wandered around the crowd for half an hour chatting to family and acquaintances. Tommy noticed the surprise on her family's faces when she introduced him as her partner so he took her hand to make it quite clear they were more than colleagues or friends. The term partner was correct in so many senses but it clearly shocked her family. He glanced over to see her enjoying their reactions. After meeting Uncle Bill, who was apparently really a cousin, he was beginning to understand that her fears had not been without reason. The man looked them up and down disdainfully so Tommy put his arm around her shoulder and said audibly, "come on darling, I think it's time we go and get ready for tonight. Excuse us please."

Barbara allowed him to drag her away. "They'll think we're going inside for you-know," she hissed, "and don't call me darling."

Tommy stopped inside the foyer. He was going to kiss her but noticed she was distressed. He ran his hand down her face. "I'm sorry I thought that man needed to know that I...care deeply for you."

"It wasn't that." She wondered how she could explain that being called darling had felt horrid.

Tommy frowned. "Then what?"

"It sounds unreasonable but well...you used to call Helen darling."

Tommy had not thought about the word and its connotations. "I'm sorry Barbara," he said contritely, as he wrapped her in his arms, "I will think of something perfect just for you." He kissed her softly to apologise. "Forgiven?"

"Always."

They had half an hour before they needed to change. As they entered their room Tommy slipped off his jacket and removed his tie and shoes. "Drink?"

"Yes thanks, something cold." Barbara kicked off her shoes and smiled her thanks as he passed her a beer from the minibar. She downed the drink quickly as they chatted about her family. She saw his raised eyebrows. "Don't worry. I was thirsty, I am not going to embarrass us."

"I wasn't concerned about that," he said finishing his whiskey and taking the bottle from her. "I was thinking about tonight."

"Oh?"

"About after the reception when we come back here." This was difficult to broach. "I don't know what your expectations are."

"Do I have to have any?"

"No, I suppose not but I was wondering about the sleeping arrangements." Tommy wished they were past this awkward stage.

It was a question Barbara had tried not to think about. "I don't really expect you to spend the night on the couch but I don't know if we're...I'm...ready for..."

"You-know?"

"Yes."

"Good. I don't want either of us to feel pressured. I guess I should use the bathroom first again."

As she waited for him Barbara wondered why a man very used to taking women to bed was being so sweet and coy. She almost dared to hope it was because she was different, that Tommy wanted this to work. She heard the shower running and was surprised. He had only showered three hours earlier and it was not a hot day but she decided to take his lead. She did not want him to think she was unhygienic in any way.

As he emerged from the bedroom with his wet hair hanging across his eye she was mesmerised. She had seen him in a dinner suit many times before but tonight he looked especially dashing. The tailored jacket emphasised the broadness of his shoulders and his little paunch that he had carried in recent months had gone. The silk cummerbund sat flat against him and his bow tie was perfectly straight. She licked her lips and bit her bottom lip.

"Something wrong?" He was concerned by her stare.

"No, no absolutely nothing," she said breathlessly, "nothing at all."

Tommy chuckled to himself as he watched her steal another look before closing the bedroom door. It seemed his last few weeks in the gym had paid off. Now he just needed to find his cufflinks.

Barbara quickly showered. She fixed her hair into the style the shop attendant had suggested and reapplied her makeup. This time she applied it a little thicker to combat the evening light. She climbed into the dress and adjusted her bodice. She did not want any unexpected wardrobe malfunctions. Then she swore. She could not reach the zip on the back. She struggled and twisted but it was no use. "Tommy."

He stuck his head through the door. "Yes?"

"Can you zip me up please?"

"Of course." Tommy entered the room and stopped. "Oh Barbara!"

"What? You don't like it? I knew it was too much. You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse."

"It's magnificent. You're beautiful. Absolutely stunning." Lynley was used to seeing attractive women in evening gowns but none of his education or upbringing had prepared him for this moment. The light caught her hair and the purple hue of the gown made her eyes sparkle. His compliments had made her skin blush. Grumpy old Sergeant Havers who hated to stand out had metamorphosed into a goddess. Tommy was spellbound.

He had expected Barbara to have mottled, freckly skin with more than its share of blemishes. None of that had concerned him because until now he had believed he desired her essence more than her body. His groin made a rapid reassessment. He wanted to make love to her here; now. "You look incredible Barbara."

She smiled shyly as Tommy continued to stare. "Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

"I do, very much." Her skin was flawless and silken. Her arms were shapely and her bare neck, just visible below her pinned up hair, had a perfect curve down to strong shoulders. He wanted to kiss every inch of them. He crossed the room and with trembling hands began to pull up the zipper slowly. He allowed his index finger to trace a path up her spine between the soft silk folds of her dress. He smiled at her soft moan when his finger continued up to her neck. It was clear that she wore no bra and when she turned Tommy gaped like a schoolboy. The gown squeezed her in all the right places to accentuate her figure. "I'm going to enjoy taking this off you later Cinderella," he whispered in her ear as he traced delicate kisses up her neck, "but if we don't go now we never will."


	6. Chapter 6

Tommy could not tear his eyes from Barbara. As they sipped champagne in the reception room outside the heavy mahogany doors that led to the ballroom he was acutely aware that he was not the only man who found her irresistible in that striking gown. Each direction he turned men were surreptitiously staring. He was also aware that their wives were mentally stripping him so he flashed the women his broadest smile as a warning to their husbands.

His hand rested possessively on the small of her back as he steered her to the edge of the room away from the ogling eyes of a pimply-faced waiter who was using his gangly height to try and peer down the front of her gown. Tommy followed his eyes and let them rest on place above her chest where one of the Lynley family necklaces should be displayed. Diamonds and emeralds would suit Barbara well.

"Everyone's staring at me," she hissed under her breath.

"Because you're the most smashing woman in the room."

"Smashing? Tally ho what! We're not in the Roaring Twenties Tommy or playing croquet at some sugar plantation in the West Indies."

He smiled at her analogy doubting that much croquet was played on the plantations. He leant close and whispered seductively, "what about the most stunningly gorgeous, beguilingly elegant, divine creature who has captivated every man here, especially me? Or we could settle for incredibly sexy? Or what about the hottest babe in the room?"

"You're making fun of me."

Tommy ran his fingertips up her arm and along her shoulder. He paused to trace lazy circles at the base of her neck. He smiled as her skin tightened under his touch then tracked his fingers up behind her ears. "No, I'm not. I want to kiss you where my fingers were." He shielded her from general view with his body. "And down here." He ran his finger down her throat to the edge of her gown. "I've never been more serious."

She stared at him with wide eyes, unable to speak. The gown and the looks she had from others had made her feel glamorous but his fingers and his words made her feel alluring and, if she were honest, rather racy. She knew her skin was blushing under his lingering fingers and when the doors swung open she was relieved. "Behave," she gently chided.

"I don't want to do that la mia amata."

"Huh?"

"It means my beloved. Actually that's what I should call you, amata. Far better as a pet name than the usual English words."

"Come on then amata, let's get tonight over with."

"Amato. I'd be amato, the male form."

"I should have known even that would be complicated with you." He kissed her quickly then they linked hands and followed the crowd towards the doors.

The ballroom was filled with tables arranged to focus on the raised bridal table in the corner. Barbara's cousin and her new husband were still in the grounds having photographs taken in the sunset so Aunt Marjory greeted all the guests at the door and informed them of their table number.

"We'll be right at the back," Barbara muttered as they waited in line for their audience with the queen of the night.

"All the easier to slip away." Tommy would play the game but he had no interest at all in the formalities of the evening other than spending time with the most bewitching woman here.

When they neared the head of the queue they could hear that Marjory had a standard patter to greet all the guests. It was forgotten though when they reached her. Her aunt stood speechless and gawped at them, her mouth flapping silently as she looked at them in turn. "Barbara! Er, umm, I, err," she eventually managed.

The two women were staring at each other. Barbara felt anger and disdain rising too quickly. She squeezed Tommy's arm.

"Thank you for inviting us," Tommy said smoothly filling the awkwardness, "it was a lovely ceremony and I'm sure this evening will be equally memorable. At which table are we seated?"

"Er, oh number twelve," her aunt managed, "have a wonderful evening."

"We will," Tommy replied, "how could I not with the most beautiful women here on my arm, except the bride of course." He almost chortled and felt Barbara's nails dig in through his coat.

"Except the bride of course," Barbara mimicked as they searched the table numbers for their seats. The table was not at the back but on the edge of the room near the open French doors that led onto the wide tessellated verandah. It had a slightly obscured view of the main table, a fact that pleased Barbara. There were seats for six but only two were occupied.

"Oh wonderful! Uncle Bill is on table twelve too! What a perfect evening."

Tommy laughed. "It will be fine. You'll enjoy it, I promise."

Tommy greeted Bill and a woman at the table who was clearly an introvert and hated being there. Her mousy brown hair hung limply over a dull, grey dress that looked more like a bank uniform than evening wear. Her horn-rim glasses slipped constantly down her nose and after the fourth attempt to re-site them with shaking hands the woman gave up. "Tommy Lynley," he said cheerily, "and of course you probably know my partner Barbara already."

"No, we've never met," she replied. She turned and smiled at Barbara. "I'm Kate, George's daughter. He was your great uncle. He had me very late in life."

"Randy old goat," Uncle Bill said, "your mother was a third of his age."

"I am aware of that," the woman replied sternly, "but both my parents were very kind and loving to me."

"Yes, there is no age barrier to love," Tommy said giving the poor woman one of his most generous smiles. She smiled back shyly then looked at her lap.

It was obvious to Barbara that Bill had been drinking all afternoon. He was focussing on his glass but when he looked up he began to leer at her. She had almost forgotten her awkwardness of wearing the gown. She had received many admiring looks on the way in, as had Tommy, and it had felt flattering. Now for the first time that changed. Bill was staring at her breasts, and licking his lips in a parody of Benny Hill. She shivered and instantly Tommy put his arm around her. "Ignore him," he whispered as he kissed her lightly on the cheek.

The guests began to fill the room. There were clearly more tables for the groom's family which seemed to have a definite family trait of male baldness and bowerbirdism. Almost every woman's gown was the same shade of shimmering blue. "I'm glad I didn't wear blue," Barbara quipped.

"Hmm, me too. That purple makes your eyes light up amata."

"I thought that was just the sight of you in your penguin suit."

They had their heads close, lost in their private world. "Was it? I must wear it everyday then just to see you smile."

"Yes please. Although I've always liked you in a towel too."

"I have one in our room I can wear later." They laughed conspiratorially.

"Barbara? Barbara Havers? Is that really you love?" Tommy turned to see a matronly woman in her seventies, dressed in a tight gown that was far too young for her. Supported by a walking stick she hobbled precariously towards them. Behind her trailed a weedy man in an ill-fitting brown suit carrying two overly generous glasses of white wine. Tommy stood and pulled out the chair beside him. The woman flopped gratefully into it and looked up expectantly at Barbara. "And who's this dishy chap?"

"Missus Brown this is my partner Tommy Lynley. Tommy this is Missus Brown. She used to live near us in Acton."

"And this's me husband Gerald. Known her since she was a babe I 'ave. She used to get bad colic and horrible nappy rash. Oh you've never seen the like. All red and scaly."

Tommy looked at the mortification on Barbara's face. He locked his lips together in a tight smile fearing he would start to laugh. "Delighted to meet you both." He extended his hand to the hapless Gerald who returned his greeting with the interest and intensity of a week old kipper before planting a brief, light kiss on the back of Missus Brown's liver-spotted hand.

"Ooooh aren't you the one! You've got a real gentlemen 'ere Babs! And so 'andsome. Better be careful or I'll whisk 'im away from yer."

"I'm afraid not Missus Brown," Tommy replied with great charm, "my heart's lost to just one woman."

"Oi Gerald, listen to Tommy. Yer might learn somethin'."

Tommy took Barbara's hand to reassure her. Their eyes laughed at the situation while they tried to kept their expressions neutral. To distract herself Barbara looked around the traditional ballroom dominated by tall mahogany dados that had been softened by large, cream floral arrangements dotted around the walls. Starched white linen covered the tables down to the floor and the centrepieces were three thick cream candles of different heights within a bed of gardenias and lilies. One of the candles had a photograph of the bride and groom above the date. She felt as if their eyes followed her so she subtly turned it to face Bill.

"They were looking at how radiant you are," Tommy whispered as he stretched his arm around her again. Without physical contact he felt adrift. Barbara tried to talk to Bill and the Browns while he chatted with Kate, but after determining she was from Chester, hated hot weather and had two cats he had exhausted her capacity for smalltalk. Now he turned his attentions back to Barbara while the Browns rambled on about the room, the ceremony and the bridal gown.

"Stop it," she said feeling her neck redden under his soft kiss.

"Why? I enjoy kissing your neck amata. In fact there are many other parts I want to kiss as well but I agree, not here."

His seductive tone was hard to resist and she moaned softly. "We could go."

He smiled against her neck while she tried to drink some wine. "Plenty of time. I want to show you off. Make every man in the room jealous that you are with me."

Further conversation was abruptly halted by a trumpet fanfare. Barbara nearly spat her wine across the table. The guests all stood and clapped as the bridal party entered. Finally the bride and groom entered arm-in-arm. Tiny white fireworks exploded in front of them to mark their path to the table. The groom's family seemed to have a family chant, or a genetic disposition to a unique warbling laugh, and they practiced it loudly until the bridal party was seated.

"Kill me now," Barbara whispered into his ear. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm taking notes for future reference."

The three course meal was tasty and the speeches mercifully short. Tommy had a tasty lemon chicken risotto and Barbara devoured a creamy tomato pasta for entree. Both selected the rosemary-roasted lamb rack as their main. Uncle Bill and Gerald were discussing the football and Missus Brown was berating poor Kate about the cost of using public lavatories these days and how the rising costs were directly related to Tory party policies.

Tommy grabbed Barbara's hand and escorted her through the doors onto the wide patio. Out of sight and hearing they both started to laugh. "Oh Tommy, this was such a bad idea."

"On the contrary." Tommy pushed her gently against the wall and kissed her.

She tugged at his lapels almost pulling them off balance. "This is a wonderful idea," she said as she returned his attention.

They stayed outside for about ten minutes before decorum dictated they return for dessert and the cutting of the cake. The bridal waltz was comically painful or painfully comical; Barbara could not decide. As they guests were invited onto the floor Tommy took her hand. "May I have this dance?"

"No."

"No?"

"I can't dance properly," she muttered.

"Can you follow my lead?"

"Probably not."

"Can you give your trust over completely to me?"

She screwed up her face in thought. "Yeah, I think so."

"Then come. Close your eyes and just feel the music. Feel my body and allow yours to move with it."

Barbara was skeptical but obeyed. Tommy whisked her effortlessly around the room. She sensed eyes on them but she kept her focus on the feel of his body against hers. It was sensuous yet calming and she felt lighter than air. The more they danced the more erotic it felt. The music changed to a slow tune and Barbara was engulfed in Tommy's arms as he gently traced circles with his fingertips on her back just above the zipper. Before long soft lips were kissing her gently and her hand went to caress his neck.

She broke the spell by opening her eyes. Her family were all staring at them and she pulled away. "We should sit for a while."

"I didn't know yer could dance love, not like that," Missus Brown said as they sat and took a sip of wine.

"So you've tamed her have you son? She was a very acerbic young woman. I never thought she'd find anyone who'd like her." Uncle Bill, was the only one to voice what Tommy suspected many of the rest of the family thought.

Barbara had warned him but their attitude incensed him. He took her hand. "Barbara is the most caring, loyal and loving woman I've ever known and I'm still astounded that she chose to share so much of her life with me. Maybe if you'd spent time trying to understand her instead of judging her you'd have seen past her pain and understood what a truly beautiful woman she is."

"Here, here!" Everyone at the table turned and stared at Kate. "You two look so in love. You deserve to be happy. Ignore Bill and his bad manners. He hasn't had a woman in forty years,"

"If you'll excuse us." Tommy stood and led Barbara out to the verandah.

"Thank you," she said, "for defending me."

"I wasn't defending you I was stating a fact. Barbara, I know this is not the best time or the most romantic setting but will you spend more of your life with me? For the longest time I've known I can't live without you but now I can see our future - together with maybe a few additions along the way."

"Tommy...we...how long were you thinking?"

"Good point Barbara. I should have been more specific." He laughed softly and sank onto his knee.

"Oh, that long." Barbara thought she might faint.

"Yes. Barbara will you honour me by agreeing to marry me and spend the rest of our lives together?"

"But we...this is...oh Tommy, I want to say yes but you...we haven't even, you know."

"We can go upstairs and change that right now if that's a pre-requisite."

"No!" Barbara tore her hand from his grip and disappeared back into the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Tommy followed but did not catch her before she disappeared into the restroom. He waited patiently by the door for over fifteen minutes trying to look inconspicuous. Women looked him up and down as they passed and all he could do was smile and try not to look anxious. At one point he wondered if Barbara might have climbed out the window to avoid him but a quick peek as the door opened and Kate emerged revealed a flash of purple inside.

"Having fun?" he asked Kate with feigned innocence.

"Did you two have a fight?"

"No, a misunderstanding of some sort I think."

"I thought so. She's in there washing her hands over and over. Just wait, she'll be out soon."

Another ten minutes crept by before she emerged. He could tell she had been crying but she had disguised it well and only he would know because her eyes had lost their glow. She half-smiled at him. He took her by the hand and spun her back onto the dance floor. The night was deepening. The lights were low and the tune was mellow. He cocooned her in his arms and held her as they swayed to the music. Her face nestled into his chest and she sighed.

"I'm sorry Barbara," he eventually said, "the last thing I wanted was to upset you."

"Don't be. It was a nice gesture but...I don't want your pity."

"My pity?"

"Uncle Bill, my family. You always want to save the world; rescue the oppressed and downtrodden. I don't want to be protected Tommy. I want to be...I need something else." She pulled away from his arms and walked back onto the verandah.

Tommy followed and as she leant on the balustrade looking out at the lamp-lit lake he enfolded her in his arms and pulled her back into his chest. "Oh Barbara! In my haste and excitement I forgot to mention something very important."

"What?"

"I love you."

"Oh?"

"It's trendy to say to the Moon and back now but I would have to be more realistic, let's say I love you to the edge of the universe and back."

"Tommy you don't have to..." She wriggled around to face him. His liquid eyes and and broad smile were endearing. She wanted to kiss him and make the most of this connection between them as long as it lasted but she did not want to tie him down in marriage. One day he would hate her for it but stay because that was what he had promised to do.

"I know. I want to. I need to because it is true. There has always been something very special between us Barbara hasn't there? But we were both trying hard to believe it was anything other than what it really is - love, a total, all-encompassing, unshakable love. Now we know we can't shovel it back under the pretense of companionship or friendship. They are part of our love but there are other parts too." Tommy kissed her tenderly. "Like that. It doesn't feel that way without love does it? I know you feel it too amata."

"I do love you Tommy! I've known that for years but it won't be enough. Imagine my family meeting yours. We're too different for it to work. I don't want you to hate me."

"I never would and I disagree. They said that the two of us working together would fail and they were wrong. And as for our families...both are far from perfect. Yours are just more open about it."

Despite the situation Barbara laughed. "But it's not Tommy Lynley I'd marry, it's also Lord Asherton. I'd fail you."

"Nonsense and you know it. Tonight you proved how much more to you there is than baggy coats. You'll wow everyone and that's all we need to do a few times a year." Tommy kissed her again. "But I've rushed you. I should have waited until you understood how much I love you. It was just that when that odious man said that I'd tamed you I knew then that I had to marry you because..."

Barbara raised her eyebrows and interrupted him. "Because you think you've tamed me?" She asked with ill-disguised anger.

"No! The opposite. We are at peace together, well when we're not arguing. We both want to be ourselves. Together we are free to be ourselves, with all our idiosyncrasies and foibles."

"My idiosyncrasies, your foibles." She looked up at him. Humour had crept back into her eyes. It was almost impossible to stay angry with him since that first kiss.

He ran the back of his fingers across her cheek. "We love each other without expecting anything in return but knowing we'll always be here. I want to spend every day of my life with you amata. I want to wake up and have your sleepy face be the first thing I see. I want to go to sleep holding you and knowing that you're there. But I can understand why you don't think it will work so I am not going to pressure you. I'm going to convince you instead and I know that'll take time."

"You know I want to say yes don't you?"

"Yes and that's enough for now." He kissed her lovingly and she responded. Her body moulded against him. It was not the time for amorous thoughts but he had them anyway. Now he just had to find a way to get them back to their room.

They rejoined the thinning crowd. Kate spotted them and came over. "I'm leaving now. It was lovely to meet you both. I hope you have a wonderful life together. You look like you're meant to be together. So many couples don't you know."

Tommy understood that for this shy woman it was quite an effort. "Thank you Kate. I appreciate that. Maybe we'll see you at breakfast," he said kindly.

"You should come down to London sometime," Barbara added, "I think you'd enjoy it. We always have a bed."

Tommy noted the term 'we' with amusement. Barbara had a short, uncomfortable couch. He was the one with spare rooms. Maybe Barbara was planning to move in with him. He would encourage that.

They said farewell to the bride and groom and then faced Aunt Marjory. "Thank you for inviting us Aunt Marjory," Tommy said.

"You're welcome. We had no idea Barbara had found a man you know and especially a nice one like you. Good luck son."

Tommy put his arm around Barbara's shoulder in an open display of affection. "I've already had my luck finding Barbara. She's not only beautiful on the outside but she has a wonderfully kind and loving soul. I'm the luckiest man alive and I only hope I am worthy of her. Now though you'll have to excuse us because I want to go upstairs and make love to her until dawn." The last sentence had been decidedly ungentlemanly but it had its affect. He thought Aunt Marjory might faint and he almost wished she would.

Barbara smiled genuinely at the shock on her aunt's face. "Good bye Auntie. It was a very enlightening wedding. I am glad I came to see some of the family again."

They nodded and walked past her motionless aunt to the lift. Once inside they both began to laugh. "Did you see her face?" Barbara asked.

"Indeed. It was very crass of me to say that but I wanted to put her in her place." The lift opened and they walked silently to their room trying not to laugh and disturb anyone. Tommy unlocked the door and they stepped inside. He saw how nervous Barbara was now they were alone. "And what about you telling her you were glad to see the family?" he continued hoping to take her mind off what might follow.

"I was, so I never have to wonder. You were right about closing the circle. I don't have to feel I failed them. They failed me." She walked to the window and stared out into the darkness.

Tommy turned on a lamp and extinguished the harsh overhead light. He walked ip and wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin lightly on her head. "Yes they did."

"Seeing them today...I feel justified...somehow free."

Tommy kissed her hair and snuggled closer. "You are free Barbara to make what you want of your life."

She turned in his arms and hugged him. Tommy lifted her chin. "I love you Barbara."

"That's good because I love you too."

Tommy kissed her softly. There was no urgency and he would follow Barbara's lead. She returned his kiss passionately. They stood by the window for several minutes gradually deepening the kiss. Tommy traced the line of her dress across her naked shoulders. He was just about to start lowering the zipper when she stooped kissing him.

"My feet are killing me," she said trying to kick off her shoes, "i'm not used to heels."

Tommy guided her to the sofa. "Allow me."

He knelt and carefully lifted the hem of her gown. Her feet were encased in purple shoes that glinted when they caught the light from the lamp. "This is the reverse of Cinderella I think," he said releasing her swollen feet and gently massaging her feet.

"Oh that's wonderful." Tommy's touch was relaxing and exciting. When he started to massage her calves she groaned approvingly.

Her skin was much softer and silkier than he had imagined. Stroking her legs was making it almost impossible for him to keep his vow of following and not leading. He stood and pulled her to her feet before he undid his bowtie and unfastened his top button. Her hands were on his shirt and he let his coat be pushed off his shoulders. It slipped down his arms to the floor. He kissed her again then tracked his lips down her throat. Her hands tugged at his shirt, freeing it from his trousers. When her trembling fingers began to undo his shirt and explore his midriff they both gasped before their mouths crashed together in a fiery kiss.

His hand hovered over her zipper. "May I?"

"Yes."

Slowly he edged them towards the bedroom door.

 **Three weeks later**

Tommy stood by the car with his hands on his knees sucking in deep breaths. "I'm getting...too old...for all of this!"

Barbara nodded. "At least we caught him. He'll go down for a long time."

Tommy muttered agreement then rubbed his face and manipulated his jaw. "He had a very savage right hook too."

They were the last officers at the scene. The accused had been removed in the other car and they were about to drive back to London. "Tommy?"

He looked up. "Yes?"

"Do you still want me to move in with you?"

He lost all pain instantly. He moved closer and put his hand on her shoulder. "You know I do."

"Then yes."

Tommy hugged her then kissed her. "When?"

"Well I'm there almost every night now but Saturday?"

"Excellent. Your bed really is too small so I like the idea of not having to share it too much longer."

"Also I was thinking..."

"Hmm?" Tommy had learnt long ago not to pre-empt her thoughts.

"We should go to Howenstowe and tell your mother about...you know."

Tommy gave her a generous loving grin. "The last thing I'm telling her is about 'you-know'."

"Not that," she replied with amused horror, "about...us."

"She already knows. I told her the day after we returned from Colchester."

"You did? Why?"

Tommy could tell she was not angry. "Because I was happy. I told her everything."

"Oh Tommy! She'll think I come from a family of psychopaths."

"Oh not the details, especially not about our night after the reception, but I did tell her that I had asked you to marry me and I was going to prove myself worthy of you. She was delighted. She said we both deserved happiness."

"I see. I was going to gauge her reaction and then..."

"Then?"

"I was going to say yes," she said quietly not quite able to look at him and biting her lower lip.

"We can go this weekend if you like," he replied with schoolboy enthusiasm.

"I thought I was moving in?"

"You've already agreed to that and we haven't spent a night apart anyway so it is more important to me now that you agree to marry me." He kissed her passionately.

"You can't tempt me with kisses like..."

"Can't I?" He kissed her again and ran his hand down her coat. "We had heavy traffic on the M24." He slipped his hand inside her coat as he kissed her. "That's why we're late Sir." He started to push the coat off her shoulders. "Not because I made love to my future countess."

"Here?"

He nuzzled her neck and smiled when she squirmed. "Everywhere amata, always."

Barbara knew she would give in. There was no point in pretending otherwise. "Yes, always."


End file.
